Learning how to communicate effectively with each other can be tricky. Many couples find that their communication patterns have become so ingrained over time that they’re almost automatic. It becomes difficult to even notice when they’re happening.
Going for therapy can help. Around 70% of couples who go for therapy benefit positively from the same. The data is from a decade ago when therapy for couples was still looked upon with skepticism.
As per Statista’s latest report, Arizona’s divorce rate has plummeted from 6.9 divorces per 1000 residents in 1990 to 2.9 divorces per 1000 residents in 2019. Thus, couples are either resolving differences in their marriage or choosing to part ways before committing to marriage. In both situations, individuals don’t stay in non-communicative toxic relationships.
You can choose to get a professional to guide you in your journey of rediscovering each other. If you are in Arizona, we suggest you browse reliable online resources in your quest to find a couples counselor in Scottsdale.
Meanwhile, you can try to follow these seven tips to improve your communication with your partner:
1. Improve Your Listening Skills
Listen To Each Other With Full Attention. Being a good listener is an essential part of communication. It’s also something that many people struggle with. If you want to be better at communicating, you have to learn how to listen effectively. Here are some tips for doing that.
Don’t let your mind wander while your partner is talking, even if it’s not something that interests you or makes sense right now. Listen closely and try not to think about other things because this will make it harder for your partner to feel heard and understood.
Let Them Finish Talking
Let them finish what they’re saying before responding or asking questions. Then they’ll know their words were taken seriously. This shows your partner that you value their perspective, too.
2. Share Your Feelings
It’s important to understand the other person’s perspective, but it is equally important that you share your feelings without blaming others. This signals maturity and respect. It may not always be easy to do, but it is possible.
For example, if you argue, instead of saying: “You’re so inconsiderate! I hate when we fight like this.”, you could try something like, “I’m feeling hurt that we had another argument.”
Reframe your sentences to show your love and concern for your partner while sharing your feelings instead of showing your angst and frustration.
3. Be Considerate
Even if you’ve been together for years, it’s possible to improve communication between couples by providing focused attention and emphasizing appreciative inquiry.
Even saying “Thank You”s and expressing gratitude can create a positive impression. A recent study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found these expressions of gratitude helped relationships blossom, even in situations of financial hardship. The 316 African-American couples surveyed were from rural Georgia.
Here are a few more tips to be more considerate toward your partner:
- Speak without blaming or criticizing
- Listen without interrupting or defending yourself
- Ask questions when you don’t understand something
- Give each other the benefit of the doubt
- Don’t take things personally
4. Establish a Routine of Couple Communication Time
A routine of couple communication time is important to begin establishing in your relationship. The purpose of this routine is to keep the lines of communication open so that you and your partner can check in with each other regularly.
The amount of time that you choose for this couple’s communication is up to you. Some couples prefer weekly talks, while some opt for short daily chats. If you live in Arizona, you can choose an informal setting at any of the restaurants in Old Town Scottsdale to ensure your weekly date night involves some quality conversation, too. To vary the routine, you can choose a different restaurant every time.
5. Focus on the Positives
Focus on the positive qualities in one another. Don’t focus on something that is not important to the situation at hand, such as something from the past or a detail that is not relevant to the issue at hand.
Most situations, no matter how tough, have a silver lining. Try to discuss the same, too, while evaluating it. If you are missing out on vacation abroad due to a partner losing a job, don’t put stress on the “missing out.” Instead, talk about how you can spend more time together by taking a short road trip or going camping nearby in the Maricopa Mountains on a pleasant weekend in Scottsdale.
6. Keep Growing Together
An important part of staying on the same page is learning new things together. Sometimes a couple will go through a period when they’re not communicating well, and one person is feeling frustrated.
In this case, it’s important to keep an open mind and be willing to learn from each other, even when it might make you uncomfortable. You can try going on a retreat or an intimate vacation together to find out new things about each other and reinvent the relationship. Scottsdale has many spa resorts, so this shouldn’t be a problem at all for you.
You both need to agree that being part of a couple means constantly evolving. Even if one of you wants something different than what the other does at any given time, there’s no reason why your relationship should feel like a struggle instead of something fun and meaningful.
7. Avoid Triangulation
You and your partner should be the only ones involved in communication, so resist the urge to involve others when discussing issues.
Triangulating is bringing in a third party. This can disrupt effective communication by making it difficult for you both to stay focused on each other.
If you do choose to include someone else, make sure they are open-minded. They should be honest with both of you. They should also not be afraid to relay what they think. Fear of offending either one of you shouldn’t be allowed to cloud their judgment.
Communication between couples is an important part of a healthy relationship. A lack of effective communication can lead to misunderstandings and even arguments, but it doesn’t have to be this way. The ability to talk about what’s going on between the two of you can serve as a foundation for growth and intimacy.
By following the tips above, you can make sure that your communication is effective and helps your relationship grow stronger together.